If you were a kid when you saw the first Jurassic Park movie, you probably share a similar spectrum of visual imprints, which stuck to most of us for at least a few weeks back then.
If it isn’t the toilet guy who gets munched by the T-rex that comes to mind first – actually not a very appetizing build-up in that scene, if you think about it – then you will most likely remember the nasty little Dilophosaurus, hissing, stretching those flaps of skin forward in the attack and spitting its venom into that big guys face. And then came the flesh-colored soup of dissolved meat running down the muddy slide in a thick stream. Awesome! Both horrifying and oddly amusing.
A fair amount of the effects in the first movie were done analog, from remote-controlled puppets to dinosaur head gloves. This definitely added to the off-putting character of those snatching, vile dinosaurs and actually made them more convincing in my oppinion. If I look at the stale, dead 3D rendering in Jurassic World, all I can think of is that it is NOT far from the following animation in terms of power to convince:
Fun fact: There is actually a scene in the movie that is remarkably similar, however I find the above rendition much more skilful and entertaining.
Unless they deliberately wanted to create a visual impact that is reminiscent of a computer game, 3D rendering is still where it was ten years ago. I don’t buy it.
Moving on to the characters, it doesn’t get much better. At least one can say without any doubt that the way the protagonists are portrayed is pretty consistent throughout the film: They are all caricatures of some sort (you may well replace them with any given character from one of the Scary movie films and won’t tell the difference).
Their developement in the course of the movie is as natural and believable as the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a neon-colored butterfly with a permanent laugh-track spewing from its mouth, wearing high-heels and “We are the 1%” sweatbands on all of his little feet. Prepare yourself for a load of cringe-worthy performances and blank, emotionless stares that couldn’t fool an autistic child.
Cinematography. If you enjoy those HD advertisements showing childrens birthday parties with loud, overly enthusiastic music and aggressive smiles … if you delight in your neighbors vast collection of holiday sunset photographs … if you ever bought one of those generic spray-painted pictures a la “Saturn fantasy with a pyramid and a desert landscape and a handful of nameless moons” … then yes, you will enjoy the camera work in this flick.
Jurassic World is an abomination. I was very lucky to have nodded off more than three times. Then again, the ghastly dinosaur screams, which half of the time sounded like a reversed wooden door being shut, constantly managed to wake me up. Got money, time and nerves to waste? Spend it on Jurassic World 3D!
(picture credits: bing search terms “gay dinosaur, gay photoshop landscape art, cheesy 3D effects” etc.)
Fear of clowns. An old unfinished track, with added soundFX and a few other edits.
Today and Thursday from 10am – 2pm, I will be selling original drawings and postcards at Cardiff Met Management Building.
(*most are not really christmassy)
Wales vs. New Zealand
“Haka” is a traditional dance of the Maori people of New Zealand. And it’s super intimidating in Rugby …